APOLLO 13 (1995) 0 STARS (Because the mission failed)
Apollo 13 is a funny flick because Americans are always boasting over how much better our space program was in the 1960s compared to the Soviets, however, the Magnum Opus of films reminiscent of this era is one about a failed mission. They don’t even get on the moon. They have to turn around. I’m not a “moon landing is fake” type of person but who gives a shit about this movie? This neoliberal crap piece aimed to make me feel patriotic and nostalgic of a time I have no connection to is just a waste of some good Tom Hanks. Our country was literally slaughtering innocent people in Vietnam when this movie took place but America rules because we can sometimes send a guy up into space to walk around on a big ass rock that floats around the Earth? Space is so dumb. There’s nothing cool for light years. Let me know when you can fold time and space in half and time travel across the galaxy. I don’t give a fuck about the moon and I don’t give a fuck about this movie.
– CARSON SCHNEIDER